


What is the Freedom You Wish For

by Remy_Etienne_Creed



Category: Deadman Wonderland
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Canon-Typical Violence, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, Extremely Dark, F/M, Fucked Up, Heavy Angst, Human Experimentation, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Medical Torture, Mpreg, Multi, No Escape Attempt, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, Psychological Torture, Seriously how did I write something like this, Stalker With A Test Tube, Stalking, Torture, Twisted
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-03-04 12:17:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13364538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Remy_Etienne_Creed/pseuds/Remy_Etienne_Creed
Summary: "Well, what do I want?", Tamaki drawled. When he was met with a blank stare he sighed and answered his own question, "I want more Deadmen to play with." After a pointed look that apparently went unnoticed he was forced to ask, "And now what do you want?"Genkaku scoffed, "You know what I want. I want him.""So," Tamaki paused to put a few blocks on his desk together with glee, his voice was dripping with amusement as he chirped, "Isn't the answer the same for us both? If the Owl wants a baby then we give him a baby.





	1. A Plan

**Author's Note:**

> Seriously proceed with caution this is easily the most fucked up thing I’ve ever written...maybe that anyone has ever written.

"I think he could get over the broad...it's the kid he really wanted. He wants a baby. ", Genkaku leaned back and watched his cigarette smoke trail above him.

Tamaki learned forward with a wide grin, he let his chin rest in his hand as he leered at the undertaker," Genkaku, I think there's an obvious solution here that can make the both of us very happy."

Genkaku took his eyes off the ceiling and looked at Tamaki more closely. He didn't really listen to the director or anyone at all too closely but this was about Nagi. "What do you mean?", he asked. The creep had his attention now.

"Well, what do I want?", Tamaki drawled. When he was met with a blank stare he sighed and answered his own question, "I want more Deadmen to play with." After a pointed look that apparently went unnoticed he was forced to ask, "And now what do you want?"

Genkaku scoffed, "You know what I want. I want him."

"So," Tamaki paused to put a few blocks on his desk together with glee, his voice was dripping with amusement as he chirped, "Isn't the answer the same for us both? If the Owl wants a baby then we give him a baby."

"Me?", Genkaku pondered. "My baby?",. His eyes were beginning to sparkle and Tamaki knew he'd already won.

"Unless you want to carry it.", Tamaki gleefully teased, shivering slightly with excitement.

Genkaku bit his lip slightly as he thought. Should he carry Kengamine Nagi's child? He didn't even gave a thought to the fact that it would be impossible for him to do so, after everything he'd seen in this place he had no doubt if that nut of a director said he could then he could. But should he? Should he be their child's mother? He would do it for certain. He'd have Nagi'a child gladly, even proudly, but should he? Wouldn't it mean more if Nagi were to give birth to it himself? "It'd mean more if he had it, right?"

Tamaki raised an eyebrow. He honestly hadn't been expecting Genkaku to even entertain such a notion. He really was in love. How pathetic. How fun. He couldn't give less of a damn about the Owl's feelings in the matter or any nonsense like that but he agreed. Nagi carrying the child would be best for a number of reasons, wouldn't it? He, unlike Genkaku, retained some sanity and a semblance of a thought process. He could be depended on at least. Tamaki knew that if Nagi were to discover the existence of a child within him he would do anything to protect it. Tamaki clapped with glee. This would work even better than he imagined it! He could keep one of his favorite toys obedient at his side for ar least 9 months! Ah, the child of a Deadman and an Undertaker, he couldn't wait! What an exciting little present they'd give him! First division leader and the powerful little Owl! If this proved entertaining enough he'd have to make some more! Woodpecker and Crow...that'd be a powerful combination, ne?

”Yo, Tamaki! Come on man! This is no time to be zoning out! You can’t just offer me something like this then leave me hanging!”, Genkaku yelled, slamming a hand down on the director’s desk. Guy was a fucking creep. But if he wasn’t lying...and everyone knew he didn’t joke about his Deadmen, then this could change everything. Nagi couldn’t resist babies.

Tamaki tried to appear nonchalant about this as he laughed, “Apologies. I must confess Genkaku, I hadn’t thought you would be so interested.”, he practically purred.

”Are you fucking kidding me?! Of course I would be interested! You’re practically giving him to me on a silver platter.”, Genkaku exclaimed. “Who the hell else would be interested?”

Tamaki hadn’t thought about that. If no one else he was interested which was more than enough reason to go through with a little experimentation. The owner would be very interested as he always was when it concerned body modification. Tamaki would leave his interests in the subject for his own pursuit as always. But who else could be interested indeed?

Takashima was a no brainer. He wouldn’t even have to ask with her. If he were to give her permission to play around in the guts of the Owl she’d bend over backwards for him. She, too, was quite enamored with Tamaki’s favorite little toy and the promise of a playdate could always keep her in line no matter how...overenthusiastic she tended to be. Causing him pain was a rare treat for her with how little the Owl lost.

Finanacially, medically, Tamaki was completely covered. The game could begin immediately if he choose for it to. Why shouldn’t he? This alone would be plenty fun but...could he do better? Could he make this more satisfying?

And suddenly, radiant the light of his genius, it came to him. Tamaki had quiet a list of people who were interested in the Owl but he had left out everyone outside of Wonderland. He had forgotten the Owl’s fans! And he had plenty of them to spare. The Owl was unparalleled in popularity. Even Crow hadn’t been enough to overtake him. With such a little star on his hands Tamaki could sell tickets to just about anything it seemed. Why not this then? They had to be getting tired of all the fights by now. What sort of businessman would he be if he refused to diversify?

Suddenly he found himself desperate to get rid of Genkaku so he could work. Or really was he playing? It was all the same for him. “I just assumed with your...protective tendencies where the little Owl is concerned you might not be so open to experimenting on him.”, Tamaki pointed out, more stalling for time as he thought through all the alternatives and their outcomes before settling for the one he’d originally had in mind. Particularly Genkaku’s involvement. 9 months with the Owl chained to his side like this would mean he would get Genkaku too. Tamaki already found that what little time he currently spent with Genkaku was far too much. If the man didn’t have just such a true talent for violence than Tamaki would never put up with him.

Genkaku Azuma was without a doubt his least favorite Undertaker and Tamaki didn’t find any of them to be particularly pleasant. While he supposed that was for the best - the crueler the Undertakers the more obedient the Deadmen after all- Genkaku was something else entirely. He had absolutely no respect for anything. Not his team members, not the other team leaders and certainly not Tamaki and his authority. He believed only in himself and his pleasure and shamelessly flaunted his hedonism. Even the other Undertaker’s didn’t care for him.

He did have the characteristics Tamaki wanted to pass to the offspring that he believed could mix with the Owl’s beautifully. But was it worth it with all the trouble he nortorioysly caused. The room for error here was slim. More likely it was closer to none. Could he really let such an imbecile be a part of what would be the most important part of his career if not his life? Tamaki had no doubt this is what he would be remembered for first after all, facilitating the world’s first pregnant man.

He didn’t see much choice at the moment. He wanted the first experiment done with an Undertaker after all. He was just too enthused to see what would become of the Branch of Sin if a child had genes from both to sacrafice that aspect.

Hibana was a little girl so of course, although she was always his personal favorite, she was less than useless to him here. Besides, it was in Tamaki’s best interest to put off a meeting between Hibana and Owl for as long as possible. The power she could have over him would be an incredibly handy tool if he waited for the exact right moment to use it.

He’d actually first considered Rokuro. That would have been ideal, the path of least resistance most definitely. Rokuro might even have been able to get Owl to sleep with him willingly. It might have been easy, too easy. Also Rokuro bearing the Branch of Sin himself would have hardly made for gentetically interesting offspring. 

As for Dōkoku and Gazuchi, Tamaki hadn’t even been sure if they were capable of reproducing and wanted nothing to do with their offspring if they were. They needed to be attractive for the owner to be pleased with them. Even Tamaki himself was overly fond of his prettiest toys. It was all the more important now that there could be an audience to please. With Nagi as the ‘mother’ there were certain expectations to meet. So that made Genkaku a neccisity.

As if on command Genkaku finally replied, “I’m doing this for him too.”. And the bastard had the gail to sound like he meant it. He’d spoken with a note of decisiveness that quite frankly made Tamaki want to burst out laughing. This was truly pathetic. Acting like he had given it some thought when he’d already sold his and the man he claimed to be in love with’s soul to Tamaki the minute he’d opened his mouth. 

“Well, if you feel so strongly about it perhaps we best get started as soon as possible. After all, Owl’s fights are practically a joke but who knows? Someone might surprise us.”, Tamaki tried, and failed, not to sneer.

Genkaku slammed a fist down on the desk again and Tamaki had to bite his lip to do nothing more than catch a falling block tower with a frown. “No more of that either! He won’t be fighting if he’s pregnant, hear me Tamaki? I won’t allow it!”, he ordered bullishly.

Tamaki’s frown deepened but he managed to keep his tongue civil, “Genkaku, I hardly think you’re in any position to be making demands here. Last I checked it was I who was doing you a favor here.”. Already, he was making a nuisance of himself. But now that Tamaki was giving Genkaku the Owl he had the handy new trick of being able to yank him away whenever it suited him. He tried to suppress his grin. “But, of course. You have my word. When you get the Owl pregnant he won’t be fighting again for a very long time. In fact, depending on certain factors, I may permenantly retire him.”

Genkaku, stupid as he was, seemed to find this so agreeable he didn’t even think to ask for further specification. Excellent, another reason he was the perfect choice. Tamaki was counting on that not changing. “So do we have a deal?”

The only stipulation Genkaku could think to make of him was, “It’s my baby right?! You swear? I want to do it the old fashioned way. This is me starting my family, now. Don’t fuck me over on this, Tamaki. I don’t care about much. But I care about him. If you’re gonna do this to him it’s gonna be my fucking kid he’s having!

Now Tamaki couldn’t stop a small giggle as he answered him,”If you meant that you wanted to put it in him yourself that’s no problem. That can be arranged easily enough.”

“Like hell he’ll agree to that!”, the Undertaker scoffed.

”Oh Genkaku. I’m surprised at you. Do you really need him to?”


	2. An Egg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nagi reveals that Wonderland has gotten a lot darker than he thought. But in reality he barely knows anything about how dark his life is about to become. It turns out that at the last loser game nothing was taken out. But something was certainly put in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Bluestar23, without whom this would likely never be continued.

"You slept with Genkaku?!", Karako shrieked.

"...yes.", came Nagi's slow answer. Even with a synthetic voice he still managed to sound hesistant. She was always amazed by how much emotion he could portray with it.

Dear God. She brought a hand to her mouth in shock. She has so many questions but chiefly, "WHY?!", she sputtered,"Why would you do such a thing?!". This was insane, impossible even. No one hated Undertakers more than Nagi and particularly Genkaku- rightfully so.

"I don't remember. I can't even remember when it happened.", his voice came, steady as always. She wouldn't have been able to tell he was crying at all if she hadn't seen the tears falling on his clenched hands.

She grabbed his hand and took it into her lap. He looked up at her, tears streaming down his cheeks. "It was rape then.", she assured him, her voice hard leaving no room for arguement. Nagi didn't try to but he looked uncertain. She reached out and brushed some of the tears away. "Do you remember anything at all Nagi?", she asked cautiously. She hoped he didn't, it would be better that way.

He shook his head frantically but his voice came nonetheless, "...it was good." It was the softest Karako had ever heard it. He looked away from her, ashamed. Her friend started shaking and she knew even without a voice that he was sobbing. Nagi couldn't even cry out. Her heart shattered for him. The tears were falling even harder now but his voice came steady as ever, "It was good,Karako." He hid his face in his hands, sobbing so uncontrollably now she was afraid he may fall off of his stool. "I liked it! The bastard murdered my wife and child in front of me and when he fucked me I liked it!!!", he really was about to fall off his stool, there was no doubt.

Karako quickly grabbed him and pulled him into her arms before he could. "That's insane. Look, are you sure this wasn't some horrible nightmare?" , she all but begged of him. God this couldn't be real. It had to be a nightmare. She wished it was for both their sakes but if this whole damn place wasn't a nightmare what were the odds they would be lucky enough that this would be?

He shook his head and passed a crumpled up slip of paper to her, continuing to cry his heart out on her shoulder. How many times had she done just that on his? It felt wrong that he wasn't the one holding her, looking down with his warm eyes and gentle smile.

She unfolded it with shaking hands, read what was scrawled on it in obnoxious purple ink, once, twice, then promptly ripped it into as many pieces as she could. That bastard! How the hell could anyone even write something like that?! She shuddered in disguist. The things Genkaku had written made her want to vomit! All the things he'd said about Nagi's body, how much detail he’d put into describing his torment. He'd attempted to write a haiku about the face Nagi made when he came. Not only had he completely failed at it but it was the most obscene, pornographic thing she had ever read. He had the nerve to refer to Nagi as his "little bird" throughout the note and end it with "I love you"! That sick freak had actually left a note bragging about raping him!

She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Nagi this is...", words failed her. She just couldn't think of a word for THIS, any of this. So she just hugged him to her more closely.

Nagi suddenly looked at her, frightened. "Karako, what do you think he meant there at the end?!”

She sighed and placed her forehead against his, "Honestly Nagi, I don't think he meant anything more than what he said. He just wanted to fuck with your head some more, as if he hadn't enough, the sick bastard!"

Nagi shook his head, eyes still frantic. "He wrote that he would see me again soon. What did he mean by that?! He can't be planning to do this to me again....", he let his head drop to the bar as his voice softened, "...I can't take this again Karako, I just can't."

All she had to do was look at him, his miserable posture, shoulders shaking with silent sobs to know he wasn't just saying it. He really couldn't; he'd break. Even her ever cheerful best friend and leader had his limits. She would never let that happen to him. "You won't ever have to Nagi", she placed her hands on his shoulders, "I won't let that bastard touch you. You always protect all of us, now we're going to protect you.", she said it matter-of-factly. No one was going to get in the way of this. Her eyes narrowed with determination as she hopped off her bar stool. "Nagi, this may be hard but listen to me!" He looked up at her with tears still streaming down. She wiped them away as she advised him, "We have to tell them. All of them."

Nagi looked appalled. "You want me to tell them I was raped?! I'm their leader; are you crazy?! If an Undertaker can do something like this to me so easily, how do you think it'll make them feel? You know how easily panic spreads, Karoko.". He shook his head resolutely. "No, we can't do that."

"Well we have to say something. It's Scar Chain's turn to protect you now.", she insisted. "Besides, if we don't speak up they're going to panic anyway. Look around you Nagi, they know something's wrong. You're not exactly hard to read. The longer we wait the worse they'll imagine the situation is.".

Nagi didn't have to look around to know she was right. He could feel at least 12 different pairs of eyes on him and those were only the ones who weren't bothering to hide it. He nodded to Karoko and slapped down a hand on the bar partially to get Scar Chain's attention, mostly to steady himself as he got up.

Karoko was right, of course. No matter what had happened to him, he was first and foremost their leader not just Nagi Kengamine anymore. He couldn't be acting like this, not when they needed him. He tried to compose himself as he walked to the front of the parlor. He attempted his usual gentle smile as he called out to them, "Hello!". He didn't need to get their attention; their eyes were all on him now without him having to say a word. He supposed it was just habit. "I'm sorry I haven't formally addressed you all today.". He really was sorry and gave them a deep, apologetic bow.

"What's the matter Nagi-chan? You don't look well.", Miyako called.

Nagi's eyes softened as he looked at her. She was such a kind woman, she reminded him so much of his own grandmother. He often wondered what her life was like outside of this wretched place and if she was a grandmother too but he never asked for fear it might be too painful for her. He managed a smile as he reassured her, "I'm fine Miyako-san there's no need to worry about me. In fact--"

He was cut off by Kosugi who added, "She's right; you look so pale!"

Nagi frowned,"Well that may be the case but that's not what I meant to talk to you all about--"

He was interrupted again, this time by Endō, "His eyes are red too!"

Before Nagi could even respond to that Miya had pulled him down by the arm to where she was sitting. She touched his cheek before yelling so there was no way any Scar Chain member could mishear her, "HE'S BEEN CRYING!"

Suddenly the cheerful atmosphere in the room was replaced by buzzing apprehension as people began mumbling desperately amongst themselves. A few voices made their way above the others in desperate tones.

"Why were you crying, Nagi-san?!"

"Does it have to do with all of us?!"

"My God, what's happening now?! What more could they do to us?!"

"What aren't you telling us, Nagi!?"

It was all too much. The voices, the screaming, the panic: it overwhelmed him. Nagi's eyes were wide as he looked out at all his fellow Deadmen and for once found himself wishing he were alone. He staggered back, pulling his arm away from Miya who was still worriedly questioning him. Nagi couldn't make out a single word she or anyone else was saying; he just knew he had to get as far away from them as he could.

He didn't make it far before he ran into Karako. She put a hand on his elbow, "Nagi...", he couldn't make out anything she had said but his name so he pulled away from her too.

He felt a stabbing pain in his stomach and he only had a brief moment to take in how odd that was considering it had been removed before he had collapsed to his knees, leaning against the wall to keep himself even that upright. He was dizzy. It was as if the floor had dropped out and he was left vision swimming and light headed. It hurt.

He felt...he felt nauseous. He hadn't been sick since his wife had been killed although the atrocities of this place never failed to turn his stomach. He didn't even have a stomach anymore so what did it matter? He braced a hand against the wall in an attempt to stand up but was quickly back on his knees. He felt so sick...oh.

Oh! He recognized this though it'd been so long. Who could ever forget this feeling? He was going to throw up. That was impossible, wasn't it? But his mouth was watering; he kept swallowing; he felt his throat widening. Nagi clamped the hand that had been against the wall over his mouth too quickly to realize without it he would fall forward. He caught himself with the other one but now he was on his hands and knees, even worse. This would not look good to the others. He realized, clamping his hand more tightly, it didn't look good because it simply wasn't good. He was about to vomit in front of all of Scar Chain. He could only hope they didn't notice. The room was still consumed in a low buzz so maybe they wouldn't.

He had been completely wrong...all it took was the quiet sound of vomit splattering against the floor to make the buzz die down. They all stared in shock at their leader, on his hands and knees before the small puddle. Nagi would have groaned if he could. He pulled his hand away from his mouth, the mess he'd made of it made him feel even sicker and he vomited again. He struggled to catch his breath. Even he was finding this disturbing; he could only imagine the feelings of the poor spectators. Isn't vomiting somewhat noisy? His heaves were silent, it coming up, silent. The only sound he made was when it hit the ground. He shuddered at the disturbing image he must make which luanched him into another unfortunate bout of nausea. God, would this ever end?

The room remained deathly silent and still minus the occasional splattering and Nagi's desperate gasps for breath. Finally Karoko reached out for him. She placed a hand on his back..."Nagi...", she had never seen someone quite this ill before.

In the middle of a round of dry heaves he jerked out from under her touch violently. He held out an arm, thankfully the one not covered in sickness, "GET BACK!", he ordered while vomiting.

Karoko shivered. No one should be able to give orders while on the floor puking up their guts. She was certain she had never been quite so creeped out by his voice before.

"I have no idea what that bastard did...all of you, STAY BACK! Don't get near me! I couldn't stand it if I got any of you sick.", liquid was gushing out of his mouth as he spoke, tears dripping down his face and into the ever growing puddle of sick. He looked pitiful.

Once Karako saw her friend was crying she snapped into action. "Ok, that's it! Everyone get back, he needs space!", she barked. Somehow they had surrounded him, surging closer, even she was guilty of it.

"What's wrong with him?!", someone yelled.

"Is it contagious?", piped another.

"Nagi!", cried Miya as she rushed forward and pulled his hair back.

Karako pulled her away and was given a grateful look from Nagi for it. "No one touch him! We don't know what is wrong with him.", she let her Branch Of Sin shield envelop her hands before touching him herself, mostly for show. She gently brushed back his hair, "Are you done?"

"Yes," came his response as he wiped his mouth on his sleeve. "I...I think I should go.", he had wrapped his scarf around his mouth as a makeshift surgical mask. It was already beyond ruined with vomit anyway.

"I think so too.", Karako agreed softly. She took her friend's hands, even the one covered with vomit, and helped him to his feet. "Lean on me yeah?"

Nagi shook his head slowly, careful not to encourage anything else on his inside to be on the outside. "I don't think I can walk."

Nagi looked at Karoko sadly until he was scooped up from behind and held bridal style against a broad chest. "Seiji-kun..."

"Kun? Who are you calling Seiji-kun?", came a gruff reply. 

He looked up at the face of one of Scar Chain's newest and most useful recruits with an exhausted attempt at a smile. "You're almost certainly younger than me. You don't have to do this."

Seiji grunted. "Ah, shut up boss. You're like maybe 29. Maybe. And I've got you. I owe you for so many awesome matches. You've got some awesome moves there. But not so much right now. Do you wanna just go back to your cell?"

Nagi shook his head. "No, I can't. Not just yet."

Seiji raised an eyebrow, "Why the hell not?". Nagi was clearly exhausted; what more COULD he do?

Nagi looked out at Scar Chain as they stared at him in astonished terror. He'd really let them down. He was ashamed of himself enough as it was. He couldn't just leave them after that without a word. "I apologize for that.", he would have to choose his words carefully here, "I guess I should have paid more attention to my body. I hadn't been feeling well...it was probably just something I ate but to be sure none of you get sick...I think I'll step down for a bit." , he rubbed the back of his head with a joking grin. "Don't worry about me or yourselves. Until further notice Karako is in charge. You'll probably not want me back at the end of the day.". His joking tone didn't seem to be lightening the mood of the room at all. They stared for a moment longer at him before bursting out into protest. Nagi sagged in Seiji's arms. It broke Nagi’s heart that he'd disappointed them after they'd put their trust in him so wholly but he couldn't handle this right now. He looked up at Seiji with hooded eyes and rested his head against his chest. "Now I'm ready."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning this will have a lot of Karakox Nagi. I know I don’t normally do heterosexual pairings but I actually really ship them. If you don’t think Karako is Nagi’s best bitch you’re just insane. All there is to it.


End file.
